Blog Archives
Bipolar Tuesday: The Friend Factor
Before I jump into this week’s Bipolar Tuesday I want to thank Jen again for her Mom’s IEP Post. If you missed it pop over, we’ll wait.
If I had been writing this post a couple months ago it would have a much different tone. LeBella has not had a successful history of making and maintaining friendships. She has a chronic inability to read social ques and body language. Because of this she has constantly fallen on one side of the fence or the other; the bully or the bullied.
Over this past school year LeBella has been home schooled because she was simply not stable enough to attend school. She was also not stable enough to go out in public too much so we did not join any home schooling groups. Honestly, I feel like the break from the pressure of socializing was just what she needed.
And now the break is over.
LeBella has made several friends in the neighborhood, all slightly younger than herself. Over the last few weeks there have been water balloon fights, sleep overs and tea parties. I have watched my formerly friendless daughter whisper with delight, laugh at silly jokes and construct elaborate play scenarios.
There are downsides, little girls tend to squabble quite bit and I have to intervene before LeBella gets overly upset and behaves in a way she’ll later regret. And if they get mad and leave she cries like it is the end of the world making me wondering if its even worth it.
But I know it is. Having friends, no matter how few, is an important part of life.
Having friends has boosted her self-esteem so much and has made her a little more aware of how others perceive her behavior. She has learned how to make and adjust rules and how to share and consider ideas. She has put more effort in keeping her room clean and also began worrying about her personal appearance. Not in a bad way, she is now more inclined to make sure her hair is brushed, her face is clean and so on.
I am not yet comfortable enough to send her to other people’s houses without me, I still have to closely monitor her body language and the subtle ques that tell when she has had enough. I do keep an open door though. As long as she is up to her friends can come over to play in the yard or her room. I try to switch things up evey now and then.
We held an afternoon tea party where the girls got to work on table manners and crafts together. The water balloon fight was a little nerve wracking, at one time being hit by the balloons would have triggered a meltdown while the actual slinging would result in malicious glee. We’ve come a long way. I try to always keep that in mind
What about you, Ragers? Do you have tips and tricks on friendships you’d like to share? Do you have a particular memorable experience of your child making a new friend? Go write the post (or dust off the one you’ve already done) and come link up! The linky will be open all week so you can share your friendship stories.
Much love,
Growing Up: The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful
LeBella woke up before me this morning and as I pulled my reluctant eyelids apart I noticed her standing there grinning at me.
After the initial creepiness wore off, suspicion set in. (I don’t care how cute your kid is, being stared at until you wake up is just plain creepy.)
“Oh good, Mommy, you’re awake.”
My Mother’s Eye roves slowly over her person looking for even the tiniest sign of mischief. If it’s there we find it.
Suddenly I notice her hair.
It is not only brushed, but even styled!
Internally I both cheer and shed a tear. For the most part, I have always enjoyed brushing and styling her hair. It has always been a little act of bonding for us. Of course at times it has also been considered a instigation of war. LeBella has an inhuman knack for knot development and brushing those bad boys out can take a great deal of time and tears. But she loves the way her hair looks and feels when it’s all brushed out.
“I brushed my own hair.” This statement is laced with both pride and surprise. She constantly doubts her abilities and this small victory is a boost for her wavering self esteem. She smiles and gives me a little princess wave. I immediately notice her neon pink nails and I smile back.
“You painted your nails, too.”
“Yes, and I did it all by myself.”
So, why I am I telling you this? I know, your kid probably started brushing her own hair at 2. Or, maybe yours is not there yet and I’m rubbing salt in the wound. Uh, yeah, sorry. You’ll get there.
The reason I’m telling you is because she is has been in a great mood all day.
Did you know that good hygiene habits foster self esteem? If you have a child with illnesses like LeBella’s (Bipolar Disorder, Asperger’s, ADHD) then you are most likely familiar with the dips their self esteem can take.
“I’m ugly.”
“This medicine made me fat.”
“Nobody likes me.”
They have such a hard time seeing the perfect, sweet child that you see.
So what can I do to help her keep up with those hygiene activities that build up her self esteem? Like with everything else it’s all about having the right tools. (Side note: “right” does not mean “expensive” I can build my kid’s self esteem from the Dollar Tree.) Here are just a few ideas:
A hair brush and a toothbrush in her favorite color:
A fun toothpaste:
Fun hair ties:
Fun nail polish (if you allow it):
I found this simple article the other day and I have been sharing it in small doses with LeBella. Most kids hate doing these mundane things but if we making it fun they’re more likely to try. Slowly (I hope) they will realize that doing these things makes them feel good.
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I have a challenge for you guys. Next week the linky for Bipolar Tuesday will be up and here is your prompt:
Pick one of your child’s extreme moods (elation, rage, deep sadness) and put yourself in his/her mind for 5 minutes. What’s there? Don’t be afraid to be honest. The point of this exercise is to build awareness and empathy for our child’s moods. We can easily get caught up in the whirlwind of their emotions and empathy helps us to step back and assess the situation as a guide for them rather than a victim. Come back on Tuesday and link up!
Much love Ragers,
Are you the writerly type? Then pop over to A.L.L. Between the Lines for this week’s Writing Tip!
My Mom’s IEP Needs an IEP
I know that sounds redundant. But in everything you do that old adage “When you fail plan, you plan to fail.” applies. A blogging series is no exception. I think both my intended guest and myself blew us off forgot about today. When we scheduled it weeks ago neither of us considered this was Easter weekend. Oops.
I think the open format of write-whatever-you-want-and-call-it-an-IEP is intimidating for some and I really want to to steal your tricks learn what makes you a great special needs mama. So I’m going to come up with a list of questions and turn this into a interview type series.
So….what should I ask? If you have a great question leave it in the comments and I’ll add it to my list.
On a slightly unrelated note I have an award to bestow. As you all know I am real big on kicking stigma to the curb. Living with mental illness is difficult in and of itself. Feeling like you are shunned and stereotyped by society adds unneeded burden to one’s shoulders. The more we talk about the mental illness that effects our lives the more we shed light and add humanity to this issue. Real people, real problems. Not basement dwelling hunchbacks designing pipe bombs and eating jordan almonds.
And you know what’s amazing? Anyone can help wash away stigma. Old or young. Even if they’re young and living with mental illness themselves.
And do you know someone young with a mental illness who speaks up and tries to wash away stigma? I do.
When she’s not driving me crazy (no pun intended) or busy charming friends and family, LeBella is working on her blog, Silly-licious Princess. There she share’s her experiences, fictional stories, poetry, songs (written and sung) and artwork. She wants grownups to have an inside look at how a kiddo with bipolar disorder thinks and feels. She hopes that by sharing she will help her readers better understand the child in their life who is living with this. And so I pass on to my LeBella:
And last but not least, remember tomorrow is Bipolar Tuesday. The topic is open; come link up any post you have about raising a child with bipolar disorder.
Much love, Ragers!
Wordless Wednesday: Mary, Mary Quite Contrary
If you would lke to place an Avon order with proceeds benefiting children with bipolar disorder please read this post. And be sure to leave a comment there RSVPing for the Twitter party!
About.com is holding a contest right now recognization people and organizations who are raising their voices in the special needs community. You can show your support by voting for:
Hartley Steiner of Hartley’s Life with 3 Boys
Tracy Anglada author of Brandon and the Bipolar Bear
CABF the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation
Thank you, Ragers, for all your kind words and support.
I love you all in a non-creepy way.
