Bipolar Tuesday: Won’t to Can’t

The past couple of weeks have been a true test of my patience. About a week ago I had an epiphany. It is what it is. Until we get a med adjustment LeBella’s issues are unavoidable. So, how can I make this scenario less stressful for both of us? Simple, I need to change to “Won’t” to “Can’t” and go from there.

Stressor: LeBella won’t stop yelling.

Truth: LeBella can’t stop yelling. (She is a sensory seeker, noise is a favorite.)

Solution 1: I give her opportunities to stretch her vocal cords. We turn on the radio and Living room Karaoke our butts off.

Solution 2:We uses lots of silly voices, high squeaky voices and deep grumbly voices and everything in between.

Stressor: LeBella won’t stop running circles around the house.

Truth: LeBella can’t stop running circles around the house. (When she is manic she’s near to bursting with energy, I swear the air around her vibrates!)

Solution 1: Send her out back. We are fortunate to have a six foot privacy fence, that is locked from the outside. I send her out there and she runs all around until she is sweaty and panting.

Solution 2: Just Dance 2 on the WII. This game has been a Godsend! She loves the songs. After a few songs she has burned up some energy and brought her mood up a few notches.

Stressor: LeBella won’t stopping running away in public.

Truth: LeBella can’t stop running away in public. (She has very poor impulse control and is a notorious eloper.)

Solution 1: Don’t take her out. I try to leave her home when I can, even if that means I have to do shopping at night after she is sleeping. This is hard because I’m use to her being with me everywhere.

Solution 2: Careful planning. I know I can take her out first thing in the morning, she usually wakes up in a good mood.

Stressor: LeBella won’t remember the things she needs to do routinely.

Truth: LeBella can’t remember the things she needs to do routinely.

Solution 1: I made LeBella a control journal, you can read more about that here.

Solution 2: LeBella has a couple “launch pads”, these are areas that are set up ahead of time with items she will need (i.e. all her home school materials are organized and set up in a special spot).

Stressor: LeBella won’t stop touching/hitting everyone.

Truth: LeBella can’t stop touching/hitting everyone. (She is seeking sensory stimulation.)

Solution 1: I provide sensory activities for her such as shaving cream, bubble wrap, playdoh, bubbles and a variety of textured fabrics.

Solution 2: Blanket wrapping. She loves this, we spread her comforter out on the floor, she lays on it and I roll and unroll her repeatedly.(also good: crash pads, compression tunnels and indoor swings)

Thank you to the following lovely ladies for your input: @Heatherlisa82, @Jennyannfraser, @JenTroester, @tiredmommyof4, @TheRealDaniG

If you have any other issues that you need ideas for or you have more ideas for the issues listed please leave a comment!

Mom Confession Monday: The One That (almost) Got Away

 

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I used to be very judgmental of parents who put their little kids on medication for ADHD. It seem like ADHD was a loose label for poor parenting and medication was an easy out. How hard could it be to get (and keep) a little kid on track?? I’m big enough to admit that I thought this way at one time. And I’m big enough to realize I was very, very wrong.

When LeScholar was 1, I got my first job. At a preschool.  After just a couple years spent with 20+ 3 and 4 year olds I was a bit more sympathetic to some of those parents.

Then LeBella came along……

LeBella has been noticeably symptomatic (Bipolar Disorder and ADHD) since about 18 months old. She was always so hard to please and she could throw bigger fits than Tori Spelling any other kid her age!

As she got older her behaviors continued to escalate, no matter what we did. She was always either bouncing of the walls or absolutely miserable. I did seek intervention through a behavioral counselor, but I think she may have been an idiot less than qualified.

I knew I would need more extreme intervention before she started “real” school but it wasn’t until her episode of suicidalbo thoughts that I took her to a psychiatrist. Putting her on medication was both the hardest and the easiest decision I ever had to make.

Our journey through the under-explored territory of medicating a bipolar child has been bumpy. It is so tricky to find just the right combination of medications. Occasionally we have a scare. For instance, this summer when her liver began showing signs of stress from the Depakote. We took her off the Depakote right away. It’s been uphill since then…

In our attempt to find a suitable replacement for the Depakote we recently tried Straterra. It was a nightmare of Freddie vs Jason proportions. It seemed like, over all, she was doing a little better. However, (and here’s the kicker) she would have these burst of just insane impulsiveness that bordered on psychotic. She was only on this medication a few days. The following incident occurred the last day she took the medicine and is one of the reasons I haven’t been here as much as I’d like.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I had just finished grocery shopping with the kids. They had all behave surprisingly well even though we were there quite a while. As we were walking down the parking lot aisle towards the car LeBella became distracted by the cart corrale and decided she would run and climb over it. As I followed to hurry her along to the car she turned and looked at me. My heart fell, I knew that look. It’s the look the cat gives the mouse that says, “Ladies and Gentlemen, let the games begin!”

I spent a good 15 minutes trying to coax over to the car. I probably offered everything from ice cream to a friggen pony. And I thought I had her. She hopped down, took a step in my direction…and bolted. I followed her across aisle after aisle with my heart in my throat. I was both stunned and terrified as she exited the parking lot and took off down the (very busy) street towards the intersection. This is one of, if not the, busiest intersections in our town.

I could not run and catch her because that would trigger her flight response (At this point she was more evasive, if that makes sense). So, I continued to talk calmly to her, ask why she was walking down this road etc. At one point she turned towards the road and poised as if to take off. She would not ever have made it across.

I was dialing the second 1 in 9-1-1, when she suddenly turned to face me. She began to cry. She was sobbing and saying she was sorry and she didn’t mean to, on and on. I was trying to stay calm (not angry, terrified) and talk her through it.

When I asked her why she would do something so dangerous, she told me there were voices in her head. The voices were telling her to run in front of a car and die. That she needed to die. I was so heart broken. I immediately stopped that medication and kept her home for several days to observe her behavior and make sure she was safe. (At school the Thursday before there was a similar-ish incident where she ran from teachers and made it to the perimeter of the school. A lot more has happened since this incident, but that is a post for another day…..

Much love.

Related Articles

• ADHD May Be Linked to Depression, Suicide (webmd.com)
• ADHD, Depression, and Suicide: How Parents Can Keep Children Safe (health.usnews.com)
• Can antidepressants raise liver enzymes? (cnn.com)

Bipolar Tuesday: Dear Child Psychiatrist and What to Ask When Choosing a Doctor

Dear Pediatric Psychiatrist,

I realize how very busy you are, so thank you for taking the time to read this letter of complaint. I have some issues that I would like you to take care of right way into consideration.
First of all, dude, pick an office. Seriously, if I worked at 5 preschools (1 per day of the week) I could never keep up with the development of all my students. And I’m a woman. Being available to mentally/emotionally unstable children once a week is not just inconvenient, it is irresponsible.
Now I realize that you have a family and a life, I guess. However, someone needs to be available 24/7 for the well being of my child and my sanity. You work for FIVE offices. You can’t figure out an On-Call schedule between that many of you?
When a mother calls and says, “I’m afraid my child may hurt someone” your secretary should not say, “Ok, we’ll check in with you in the morning.”
When you make adjustments to a child’s meds you should be monitoring and making adjustments in a timely manner. These babies are too young and delicate to be yanked around and left hanging waiting for medication.
When you send my baby for blood work and she gets poked in both arms and has 10 tubes of blood drawn she would appreciate a follow up in a timely matter. She understands that you are looking for something and she gets anxious waiting.
I know you have lots of patients (I mean 5 offices, hel-lo) but my child is the one that matters to me right now. Can you at least put forth the appearance that she matters to you too?

Thank you,
Every Mom Like Me

I am now in the market for our 3rd psychiatrist. I hate switching but I no longer feel my daughter’s needs are being met and that is my top priority. There are quite a few things I wish I had known sooner in order to make the best possible choice for our family. Choosing a psychiatrist for your child is a very big decision. Do you know what questions to ask and what to look for before making your decision?

What to ask and look for:
-A MD or DO degree from and accredited med school and residency program
-Board certification
-Appropriate license for the state your in
-Do they have any disciplinary actions? (You can sometimes find these by Googling the doctor’s name)
-Does the doctor value your input?
-Does the doctor specialize in a particular treatment or therapy?
-How flexible are appointments? Can they be made late in the day as not to disrupt school? Can they be on the same day of the week for consistency?
-What is the doctor’s availability? What is the protocol for after hours, weekends, and holidays?
-Is the doctor affiliated with a hospital? (This may be relevant later)
-Are they experienced in treating children with disorders/symptoms similar to your child’s?
-How much time will you spend in the waiting room? This alone can be pure torture for our kids.
-How much face time will you get with the doctor?
-Will the doctor utilize your journals? (What? You’re not journaling??)
-Are any prescribe meds fully explained to you? Including all risks and benefits?
-Are you given additional resources such as support group information, websites, or book titles?

For a wonderful checklist of questions for your child’s doctor go to the BPKids website.

How Accurate Am I? (A mother’s inner debate)

Last night, as I covered up DD9 and sat down beside her, I was struck by a

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litany of thoughts I’ve had too many times to count. What if I’m wrong? What if it’s me, not her? Who is she really?

About 5 years ago our lives crescendo into an emotional inferno I could no longer manage myself. (Although, in all fairness, I’m not sure I was really “managing” it at all)

With one sentence, 5 quickly spoken words, our world crashed down around us. “I want to kill myself.” These are hard words for anyone to hear. They are especially hard for a mother to hear. They are devastating for a mother to hear when spoken by her 5 year old daughter.

I immediately made an appointment with a child psychiatrist. After several heart breaking session where I divulged all of my sweet angel’s irrational rage, sadness, fits of giddiness and silliness, that so conflicted her “down personality”, we received a diagnoses.

Bipolar Disorder.

I had already started doing my own research, and was startled at how accurately this described my daughter’s condition. I didn’t want to be the one who brought it up but the pdoc confirmed my suspicions.

Next, I had a decision to make, one that went against my personal beliefs. To medicate her or not? I had always felt people were so quick to throw medicine at kids to “cure” them. Working in early childhood education I saw little ones placed on meds all the time to “calm them down” and “help them focus”.

The deciding factor came to me while doing my own research. I read (in more than one location) that 10 to 15% of untreated bipolar disorder patients commit suicide! Abstractly, that may not seem like a very big number, unless it’s your child. And so, the parade of medication began. It took numerous combinations of medication and a change of doctor’s to get DD9 “stable”. She is doing well in comparison to herself, if that makes sense?

Then, there comes my self doubts. What if her behavior is a result of my poor parenting? What if I misunderstood her needs, causing her to become frustrated? What if in my fearful reaction to that dreaded statement, I overreacted?

Then there is the biggest question that haunts me every day. Who is my daughter really?  Is she the little ray of sunshine I see when she is properly medicated and every need is met? (not hungry, over tired, over stimulated). Is it the red faced, huffing puffing tornado zipping through my house at top speed? Is it the seemingly broken hearted child weeping uncontrollably in my lap? Is it terrible to hope that ray of sunshine is her? Even if it takes medication to bring her out? I want to see her happy, all day, every day. Is it worth the risks some of these medications carry? Would it be fair to leave her unmediated, come what may, and watch  her live in misery , tormenting herself and every one around her?

I would love to hear how other mothers deal with these feelings. If you or someone you know is raising a child with bipolar disorder, please leave a comment! You can also request to join my support group on the Ning Network, My Kid’s Bipolar, Now What??.

Related Articles

• Introducing Adventures of a Bipolar Mom (psychcentral.com)
• Does My Daughter Have Bipolar Disorder? (everydayhealth.com)
• How to Find the Right Meds for Your Bipolar Disorder (everydayhealth.com)

A Young Mother’s Intuition

How many times have been told to trust your “mother’s intuition”? If something doesn’t feel right for your kids, you should give it more thought, right? How many times have you been told to ignore your “mother’s intuition” because your not the right age for it to be working appropriately? Well, if you were a teenage mom, as I was, you may have run across this mind set a time or two. Hopefully, if you’ve been in this situation, you listened to your intuition and didn’t let anyone push you into hushin’ up.

When my DS12, was about 3 months old he started acting funny. He was normally a very happy and pretty quiet infant. He loved to be held, but wouldn’t fuss if he was put down. He would nurse like a champ then sleep like an angel. Then, all of a sudden it was like a case of the body snatchers! My baby would cry when you put him down, and scream when you picked him up! He wouldn’t nurse, he wouldn’t sleep! Needless to say we both became miserable rather quickly. Of course, by the time we were in the full throes of our misery it was after hours and we had no choice but to head to the ER. I just knew something wasn’t right.

I watched as the triage nurse went through her routine of weighing my baby and checking all his vital signs. Then she turns to me and says, “He seems fine to me, what’s the problem?” I quickly explained his sudden fussiness and disinterest in eating. And she responded by saying, “Look, you’re young and I understand this is new to you. Baby’s get fussy, it’s what they do.” She gave me a friendly smile and I used every ounce of self control to contain my rising temper. “I may be young, but I am very familiar with the care and development of infants. This infant in particular belongs to me and I know him better than anyone, your self included. I would like him seen by a real doctor, if you could be so kind.” She ‘harrumphed’ as she led us to an exam room.

After waiting for what felt like hours, the doctor came into the room. He had very kind eyes and I felt immediately at ease. He asked me what was going on and again I relayed my sweet baby’s sudden change in temperament and nursing habits. He nodded in understanding and began to examine my son. He went through the routine again of checking vitals and then began to perform infant massage. As he worked over each little appendage he assured me he found no cause for alarm. Eventually he moved to my sweet baby’s little tummy. He went over an area near his belly button, and then asked me to watch my baby’s face as he went over the area again. I watch as he gently rubbed small circles again, next to his belly button. DS’s eyes seemed to get wide for just a second. “Why did he do that?” I asked the doctor. “We are going to find out.” He assured me.

The doctor then ordered several tests (I won’t bore you with too many medical terms) and after a battery of poking, prodding, and x-rays we had an answer! It turned out that my dear sweet baby had an intussusception (a blockage in his intestines)! He had to undergo an operation to correct it! The doctor informed me, very solemnly, that it was good that I insisted on having my baby seen. While the blockage was easily fixed by the small operation, had I taken him home the blockage could have caused his intestines to rupture! Following my “mother’s intuition” saved my sweet baby’s life!