Mom’s IEP: Amanda of Confessions from HouseholdSix

Last week I introduced my new series: Mom’s IEP because I really want to know what you gets you through the day. I often *accidentally* realize something just made my life easier and like rat in a maze I will repeat. But then I will kick myself, wondering, how did I never think of this before? Which leads me to believe you may just have some magic gem in your arsenal that I haven’t yet thought of! So, really, it’s quite selfish of me. I want your knowledge to make my life easier. And if y’all benefit along the way it’s gravy!

 

Now, first up on the gravy train is the lovely and dependable Amanda of   Confessions

from Household Six:

 

When I first read Mommylebron’s post about a Mom’s IEP to keep the chaos at bay, I thought, “Wait a minute. People have found a way to keep the chaos controlled?” Then I thought about it. My days are a very delicate balancing act of short and long term goals. 

I honestly don’t even know where to start. My 4yo is so OCD that I know there are so many little things I do in a day to accommodate him to avoid meltdowns that they’re second nature now.  Things I don’t even think of until someone else points it out as bring strange. 

Our 9yo is a little more flexible. His accommodations come more in the form of sensory items. Food textures and clothing bother him the most. I often cook dinner for the kids first, and my husband and I eat later after the kids go to bed. Our 9yo is really fairly flexible.

To keep my sanity, I MUST make sure our 4yo gets his meds every day. Otherwise, he’s the energizer bunny on meth. I also have my own quirks. Like I have to read the news and check my e-mail first thing or my day feels “off.” Other than that it’s a constant balance of trying to find time to do everything. I often find it hard to get household chores done because our kids need more of my attention. 

Long term goals, we’ve done things like eating less processed foods. That was really a necessity since I can’t have MSG and our older child can’t have red dye. I changed our son’s milk from soy to almond. I didn’t like the implications soy could have on a growing boy, but back when he was small, that was pretty much our only option besides cow milk. We’re also reducing stuff. We don’t need as much stuff in our house. This will help all of us in many ways. We continue what teachers and therapists are working on with the kids at home so that they’re immersed in the same ideas in all aspects of their lives. 

I know there is a lot more. There are just so many little nuances to having a smooth day with these boys that as I sit here and think of it all, it borders on insanity.

 

Amanda Griffiths

Amanda is a 31 year old stay at home mom to two boys ages 9 and 4. Her 9 year old was diagnosed with Asperger’s in January 2010 after 7 years fighting the medical system. Her 4 year old is diagnosed with moderate autism. Amanda blogs about the boys and their antics, the family’s health issues (autism, allergies, asthma, fibromyalgia, migraines, and food sensitivities), and life as an Army family. Amanda has been married to her wonderful soldier for 10 years.
Blog:http://www.confessionsfromhh6.com/
Twitter @householdsix
Confessions From HouseholdSix Facebook page

Would like to share your Mom’s IEP with my Ragers? Then hurry! Email me at mommylebron@yahoo.com, feel free to also send pics of kittens and boxes of Fruity Mentos.

A Second Serving Repost from @take2mommy

With a mini crisis on the home front I just want to say that I am thankful for Jennifer and all the other lovelies that have helped me out here!

A Thanksgiving Day Poem.

I’m certainly thankful for family and health,
Two of the most valuable forms of true wealth.
But there are tangible items I’m thankful for, too.
They’re important to me. So I’ll share them with you.

Like Loreal’s Preference. Nine bucks hides the grays!
A salon colors your hair? How much do you pay?
I’m thankful for two friends who are truly sublime.
Maybe you know them: red and white wine.

I’m thankful that hubs let me quit my last job,
I eat bon bons all day now and dress like a slob.
I’m thankful for knock-offs, like my grocery store Uggs,
And Pashminas sold by street vendor thugs.

Thanks for prescription meds. I’m really a fan.
The painkiller I just popped made me feel like superman.
Life with kids rocks, as long as mommy’s feeling fine.
Did I happen to mention I’m thankful for wine?

I’m thankful a Keurig machine starts up my day.
For lazy coffee addicts, there’s no better way.
I’m thankful for mock meats like yummy tofu pups,
Tofurkey, veggie burgers and all that weird stuff.

I’m thankful it’s the 21st century and not 1810.
Can you imagine living life as a mom back then?
No microwaves, dishwashers or washing machines.
I’d be such a witch. Pissed off and mean.

I’m so thankful I’m home now, watching my kids play.
Children know how to live life. They live for the day.
We should try to be like them and not rush our time.
But if that doesn’t work, there’s…red and white wine.

Thanks for reading. Happy Thanksgiving!

A Second Serving Repost from @LAchildtherapy

Please welcome Miven! This article highlights one of my personal petpeeves. I often come across conversations on Twitter and other blogs that preach the “right way” to parent. I personally feel that educated parents should not be judged for their educated choices and I feel that uneducated parents should be supported and inform rather than judged and scolded…

Shouting at Each Other to Stop Shouting

Posted on November 10, 2010 by Miven Trageser

Last week,  more of what are sometimes called the mommy wars erupted. I found my way into it when The Daily Beast tried to dress up a non-controversial, quiet parenting philosophy that I have written about into a snazzy, titillating form by calling it a “secret celebrity parenting craze,” and intimating that it is like a cult. (It is called RIE, which stands for Resources for Infant Educarers, and you can learn more about it here). That coincided with Erica Jong publishing a provocative essay in the Wall Street Journal criticizing all sorts of aspects of modern American parenting culture, especially attachment parenting. About all that RIE and attachment parenting have in common is a conscious focus on parenting and that in itself turns out to be upsetting to people right now.

The Daily Beast story bounced around and drew a lot of passionate comments. People from the RIE organization even commented on the story, in the glare of their oft-misunderstood philosophy getting such unaccustomed attention. This is because of the essence of RIE– a philosophy of doing less, observing more, slowing down, being present, and respecting the perspective of your baby is hard to get publicity for, even harder to make controversial or titillating.

A hubbub arose. First Lisa Belkin’s NYTimes Motherlode blog covered the Beast’s story and connected it to Erica Jong’s remarks about attachment parenting; A few other sites copied the Beast story and drew comments. Then Belkin published a guest post defending attachment parenting and asking Jong to “quit blaming mothers for all the things the feminist movement has left undone.” Jong wrote a direct letter to Belkin. In all of this, everyone seems to think that everyone else is ignoring the important political and social activism that ‘we’ clearly need.

In all of it, scores of comments on these blogs said essentially, ‘get rid of all the parenting methods. Everyone should just stop fussing, thinking and advising so much about parenting. Leave us alone, damn it.’  I found it striking and ironic that there were so many voices rising up, some quite angrily, asking to be left alone about their parenting, while reading a parenting blog and commenting on it thoughtfully and passionately. In other words, people were asking for less stress and focus on their parenting, while focusing on it a bit hysterically. Why?

It seemed that some kind of “the lady dost protest too much” phenomenon was happening. If we shouldn’t discuss and worry about parenting, then what are we doing discussing this on a parenting site? We can’t stop ourselves. We are shouting at each other to stop shouting. Who is really shouting?

What I hear as a therapist (here and in my office) is that people feel judged as parents for almost any choices they make. They are hearing each other’s voices as intrusive, almost assaultive, even when they are not. These parents commenting online are essentially saying, “get off of me!” I believe that no one is on them. Still they feel some kind of real attack, and the emotional state of being under attack leads to more attack which I’m calling shouting at each other to stop shouting.

I think most of the judgment is internally generated, not from these imagined persecutors outside. I have another post coming about the dearth of curious, open dialogue among parents (i.e. how did you decide to let him/her walk there alone? How did you think about and decide to let her get her ears pierced?). It is something we need more of and might be a balm to our souls. Does anyone want to venture their thoughts about why our generation is so prone to guilt and perfectionism about parenting?

ps. As a former journalist, I can imagine the scene at the Sexy Beast section of the Daily Beast when the RIE story is pitched. The editor is telling the writer, “Sorry, Felicity Huffman and William Macy –not sexy enough. I can’t really run this until you get someone younger and hotter. Is Gisele doing it, or Heidi and Seal, Nicole, anyone?”

About Miven Trageser

Miven Trageser is a writer and therapist living in Los Angeles.

View all posts by Miven Trageser →

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A Second Serving Repost from Jennifer Wylie

I am so happy that Jen volunteered to supply a post for my little blogcation! After reading this post I am truly intrigued and working my way through her past posts! I hope you enjoy this as much as I did!

Echoes of Darkness

I am suffering. Slowly being torn apart, breaking.

There is nothing I can do. Nothing but simply watch my world crumble to pieces around me. Nothing but watch you slowly continue to change, becoming someone I don’t know, someone full of such frightening darkness and hate. I don’t know when it started. I can’t recall when the changes in you began. I do know the why; so many little things, and big things, have happened to turn you against the world, against me. They weren’t my fault, or yours. Things happen, as they tend to do. We can’t control everything, even though we sometimes try.

I wish you would let me help you, but I am nothing to you now, merely an Echo made centuries ago to do your bidding. Before the darkness descended upon you I had been more, almost the human I once had been. I know you didn’t love me, not like I have loved you, but once you at least saw me as a person, not as the thing I have now become.

You were my beautiful Immortal, my creator, my master, my everything. There had been a time when your beautiful eyes looked upon me warmly, twinkling with laughter and happiness. Now they regard me coldly, so full of anger and rage and darkness I am forced to look away. Once your hands had touched me gently, though you didn’t love me, you had accepted my love. You had at least cared for me. I avoid those hands now. Rarely do I materialize into solid form around you, not since they had touched me with such violence, such mad fury.

I can not bear the changes which have come over you. The hatred inside of you has driven you into madness, of that I am quite certain. I couldn’t stop it. I don’t know how to bring you back. This tears me apart, being unable to help you, being hated by you.

Leaving is not possible. I have considered it, I don’t know why. I am bound to you, while you live, at your call I must always come. I could leave your side when I am not needed, at least in theory. Yet I have always been with you, always. I don’t know how to live without you. I can’t live without you. You have always been, and always will be, everything to me.

I don’t know what to do. I will not leave. Staying is destroying me. I don’t know what to do. So I will continue to suffer your cold eyes, your dark, wicked smiles. I will look away from the evil deeds you do, from the darkness you are bringing to the world. I will not stop you. Though I also will not help you. You know this, which is part of the reason you hate me. Still you use me as you can, I cannot prevent it. You made me this way when centuries ago you took my dying breath and bound me to you. I am immortal, but an echo of what you are, of the human I once was. I am nothing. I am everything. I can not die, yet am dying. Your darkness and hate are smothering me, destroying me.

I can only hope it will end soon, my agony, my dark despair. Someone, someday, will stop you. Your Immortal life will be extinguished. I will be free of you then. If I survive. If I don’t give my life trying to save you from them. If I don’t break apart into nothing first.

Until such a time comes I will stay always beside you, loving you, suffering, breaking apart. I do not doubt the agony of it all will eventually destroy me. Then again, perhaps you will one day tire of torturing me.

Perhaps you will destroy me yourself.

Guest Post: Soge Shirts

We met and bonded over a mutual anti-Bieberness. Then I had a change of heart, but luckily our twittership was strong enough to overcome my indiscretion. He makes us giggle and sweetly retweets our endless posts and wittiness, I give you….Tim aka @sogeshirts

The holidays are a great time of year. Spending time with friends, family, and other assorted love ones while taking a break from the daily grind of work can put a smile on anyone’s face. On the other end of the spectrum the holidays can be a bit… difficult.

First there is black Friday or as I like to call it Black Belt Friday. How people can camp out after eating enough thanksgiving food to take down a blue whale I will never know. Then the madness begins as the doors finally open at 3 am and people start battling like they are contestants on the old show American Gladiators. I know everyone wants to make their kids happy but is it really worth it to get a Tickle me newest cuddle doll after you receive a black eye, a couple stitches, and you have to be your own tooth fairy. Besides there are some good deals a few weeks before Thanksgiving.

One thing about the holidays that you can count on is that your sane family members will become crazy and your crazy ones will take it to the next level. (Hint: Take the crazy ones with you if you do decide to go black friday shopping next year.) Often times during the holidays you need to take a little break to get rid of all that stress. Here are some of my tips to help you relax and be jolly this holiday season.

1. Use the fruitcakes that Aunt Gertrude and Uncle Bob brought you again as dumbbells. You know you aren’t going to eat them so you can use them to get fit. Do some fruitcake curls, some fruitcake rows, and some fruitcake benches. If your fruitcake isn’t good enough to work as weights use it as a paperweight.

2. If you are average like me at putting up Christmas lights I would advise you to not put up the lights at all. Face it there is always that one house on the block that is ultra competitive who spends 10,000 dollars a year on all of Santa’s reindeer and both regular Santa and Hawaiian shirt Santa.  Instead of spending an hour on a ladder putting up lights take your kids on a car ride and drive around a few different neighborhoods. You’ll see some really cool light arrangements from the people that have way too much times on their hands.

3. Let’s talk about holiday office parties. Usually they start out fun and then someone has a little too much eggnog and things get awkward. Once one person lets loose a few more join in on the mayhem. Don’t be those people. The boss remembers those people and even if he was partaking in the fun he is likely to still save that in his memory bank for later. Some people say skipping the holiday office party is rude but aren’t the holidays about getting away from those people anyways? Seriously they won’t even notice that you are missing.

4. If you go holiday caroling this year you need to go with a huge pack of people so you can all stay warm. Sing only one song at each house too. You need to keep moving to keep that blood flowing. Also unless you are a great singer you want to sing with other people who aren’t great singers either. If no one is good nobody will notice the one American Idol reject in the bunch. Instead people will be happy that you tried and gave it your best shot.

Happy holidays to you and yours.

–
Timothy Fox
tees for t-shirt lovers
www.sogeshirts.com