And Then My Heart Bursts…

I blow my bangs out of my face for the umpteenth time and look around the cramped portable. I hated being here, in the dingy dim light, waiting for hours to be seen. The girl sitting a few seats down smacked her gum and I glanced at her sideways. Her Baby Phat jeans looked painted on and I wondered if she could even breathe. Every time she shifted impatiently in the hard plastic chair, the row of dangly gold bracelets jingled against her chocolate colored skin. I briefly wondered what her story was. Did she really need this help? I know I would not be here if I could pay the full child care bill myself.

She caught me looking at her and gave me a sneer. I turned my back to her and focused on the one ray of sunshine in the depressing room.

LeBella. Not quite 2 years old. She’s such a ball of fiery energy that it’s a rare treat to see her sitting quietly, flipping the pages of a board book, slowly and upside down. She sets the book aside and adjusts her bubblegum pink skirt and then looks up at me.

For a moment I am lost in big brown eyes. She looks so cute with her fluff of blonde hair pulled up into pig tails. She smiles a raidiant smile and takes a deep breath.

As she begins to sing, my heart bursts….

With EMBARRASSMENT.

“To da window…to da wall! Sweat drip down my balls…ah skee skee skee skee ah skee skee…..”

The dark skinned girl and I are simultaneously dying. Her from laughter. Me from mortification.

So, thank you Lil Jon, from me and Jingly Bracelets.

Death by Meatloaf or The Time I Blew Up the Oven

See that pretty meatloaf? Yeah, I didn't make it. Thank you Google Images.

I tried for years to perfect my meatloaf making expertise. I mean it’s the all American Go To Meal, right? Can I really don my nifty, bubble gum pink, cupcake adorned apron knowing that I can’t even bake a simple meatloaf?

I can make a lasagna that makes every person who says “Trust me, Amanda, I/my mom/my grandma/my drunk next door neighbor makes the best lasagna” drool and beg for seconds.

Ok, I didn't make this one either...But trust me mine's just as pretty!

But my meatloaf?

Ahem.

Needless to say I was forbidden to make anymore meatloaf. It really broke my little Joan Cleaver Heart. ..::sniff::..

So now, you can imagine my elation when I found a fresh prepared meatloaf in the meat department of my local Publix. It already had the perfect meat to bread crumb ratio! It was perfectly season and molded into a pretty shape. In. Its. Own. Pan. Bake. Eat. Dispose. Best meatloaf ever. I can retain my self proclaimed Domestic Goddessness without feeling like a poser.

So fast forward 10 meatloaves later…..

I overslept that morning, making everyone late for school and myself late for work. The day is stellar already. Half way through my day of entertaining 24 2 year olds (yeah, no you read that right) I realized I forgot to thaw out meat for dinner.

That afternoon I spent a good 45 minutes in the daycare director’s office hearing how LeBella had gone all Rosemary’s baby on her teacher. Again. Ahem. The fact that this is the day she was kicked out of daycare is irrelevant. Or not.

*>sigh<*

On the way home I stopped at Publix to grab a meatloaf (America’s Go To Meal, people) and some sides. LeBella had the Gimmies throughout the store and was in full meltdown mode during the ride home. As we pulled into the driveway she was eerily quiet but I was a little distracted and my reaction time was delayed as she bolted from the car and took off down the block. In the rain. Did I mention it was raining?

A half an hour later I had corralled all children, groceries and my tattered dignity into the house. I threw the meatloaf into the oven and collapsed ointo a dining room chair.

-Children glued to probably inappropriate TV show? Check.

-Dinner started? Check.

-Mommy having her daily anxiety attack? Check.

I put my head down on the table as I attempted to catch my breath and slow my pounding heart. As I am staring, thoughtlessly, at the little window of the oven I see a small flash of light. WTF?

-Grease catching pan placed under slightly overstuffed meatloaf pan? FAIL!

As I rush towards the oven I see a couple more of those little flashes and I am hoping to get to the oven before it makes too much of a greasy mess. I reach for the handle and…

Booph! The entire inside of the oven is on fire!! I am panicing! My first thought is: Water! Wait, that may not be a good idea, Amanda. The oven is electric. I sense badness in this plan.

Okay, okay: Salt! Awesome, I am still reigning Goddess. Except? The salt is in the cabinet above the burning oven, along with a big bottle of vegetable oil!

&^%^(%@#!! Why do we not have a fire extinguisher?!?

Just as I have lost all hope, of not humiliating myself I reach for my phone to call in some Big Dogs, the fire disappears. Like my oven was saying, “Ha! Just effing with you.”

Just then LeDaddy shows up…

As I relayed my terrifying story LeDaddy interrupts to ask, “Why didn’t you grab the fire extinguisher from the garage?”

WTF?

“There’s Nut in My Mouth!”

I’m not gonna lie, I just died a little with that post title. Did you? Oh good, that means I have a chance to explain (I’m also going to politely overlook the fact that the title possibly drew you in).

As part of the pretty package that is LeBella we get lots of random “stuff” thrown in that we’ve pretty much adjusted to. She has bizarre sensory/tactile issues. One big thing is any kind of nuts. She turns her pert little nose up at Snickers and the Lellow M & Ms. After trick or treating she went through her booty and generously passed all offensive peanutty candies to LeDaddy (much to his delight). But I digress!

So, this afternoon I settled leBella and LeArtist at the table and split a left over waffle (from Waffle House) between them. I was hoping to get a little writing done on my NaNoWriMo project. So, of course, the door bell rings.

It’s some cutie pie teeny bopper and she’s selling ADT Home Protection Systems.

I open the door.

I say hello.

She smiles and opens her mouth to give me her pitch and all of a sudden there is banshee like screaming.

“OH MY GOD THERE IS NUT IN MY MOUTH! THERE IS NUT IN MY MOUTH!!!!”

She turns red with embarrassement.

I turn purple with repressed laughter, babble some none sense about waffles and being broke and I quickly close the door.

It turns out they gave us the wrong waffle. They gave us a waffle choc full of walnuts, which LeBella was spitting all over my floor. “I will never get this taste out of my mouth!” she cried.

I don’t need ADT to send perps running for the hills. I’ve got waffle house.

I dedicate this post to you, Kris. Beavers, waffles, and inappropriate adult humor, oh my!

Mom Confession Monday: The One That (almost) Got Away

 

Image via Wikipedia

 

I used to be very judgmental of parents who put their little kids on medication for ADHD. It seem like ADHD was a loose label for poor parenting and medication was an easy out. How hard could it be to get (and keep) a little kid on track?? I’m big enough to admit that I thought this way at one time. And I’m big enough to realize I was very, very wrong.

When LeScholar was 1, I got my first job. At a preschool.  After just a couple years spent with 20+ 3 and 4 year olds I was a bit more sympathetic to some of those parents.

Then LeBella came along……

LeBella has been noticeably symptomatic (Bipolar Disorder and ADHD) since about 18 months old. She was always so hard to please and she could throw bigger fits than Tori Spelling any other kid her age!

As she got older her behaviors continued to escalate, no matter what we did. She was always either bouncing of the walls or absolutely miserable. I did seek intervention through a behavioral counselor, but I think she may have been an idiot less than qualified.

I knew I would need more extreme intervention before she started “real” school but it wasn’t until her episode of suicidalbo thoughts that I took her to a psychiatrist. Putting her on medication was both the hardest and the easiest decision I ever had to make.

Our journey through the under-explored territory of medicating a bipolar child has been bumpy. It is so tricky to find just the right combination of medications. Occasionally we have a scare. For instance, this summer when her liver began showing signs of stress from the Depakote. We took her off the Depakote right away. It’s been uphill since then…

In our attempt to find a suitable replacement for the Depakote we recently tried Straterra. It was a nightmare of Freddie vs Jason proportions. It seemed like, over all, she was doing a little better. However, (and here’s the kicker) she would have these burst of just insane impulsiveness that bordered on psychotic. She was only on this medication a few days. The following incident occurred the last day she took the medicine and is one of the reasons I haven’t been here as much as I’d like.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I had just finished grocery shopping with the kids. They had all behave surprisingly well even though we were there quite a while. As we were walking down the parking lot aisle towards the car LeBella became distracted by the cart corrale and decided she would run and climb over it. As I followed to hurry her along to the car she turned and looked at me. My heart fell, I knew that look. It’s the look the cat gives the mouse that says, “Ladies and Gentlemen, let the games begin!”

I spent a good 15 minutes trying to coax over to the car. I probably offered everything from ice cream to a friggen pony. And I thought I had her. She hopped down, took a step in my direction…and bolted. I followed her across aisle after aisle with my heart in my throat. I was both stunned and terrified as she exited the parking lot and took off down the (very busy) street towards the intersection. This is one of, if not the, busiest intersections in our town.

I could not run and catch her because that would trigger her flight response (At this point she was more evasive, if that makes sense). So, I continued to talk calmly to her, ask why she was walking down this road etc. At one point she turned towards the road and poised as if to take off. She would not ever have made it across.

I was dialing the second 1 in 9-1-1, when she suddenly turned to face me. She began to cry. She was sobbing and saying she was sorry and she didn’t mean to, on and on. I was trying to stay calm (not angry, terrified) and talk her through it.

When I asked her why she would do something so dangerous, she told me there were voices in her head. The voices were telling her to run in front of a car and die. That she needed to die. I was so heart broken. I immediately stopped that medication and kept her home for several days to observe her behavior and make sure she was safe. (At school the Thursday before there was a similar-ish incident where she ran from teachers and made it to the perimeter of the school. A lot more has happened since this incident, but that is a post for another day…..

Much love.

Related Articles

• ADHD May Be Linked to Depression, Suicide (webmd.com)
• ADHD, Depression, and Suicide: How Parents Can Keep Children Safe (health.usnews.com)
• Can antidepressants raise liver enzymes? (cnn.com)

Mom Confession Monday: My Kid’s a Bully Part 1

Mom Confession: My Kid’s a Bully Part 1

My kid was a bully. There, I said it. Except that’s not exactly right, that’s not the whole of it. There’s always more to the story, right? It’s very disheartening to realize your child is perceived as a bully by other children. Whenever I would see other children point to my baby and whisper to their Moms, “That’s the mean girl.” I wanted to rush to her defense, explain a little bit about her to help them both understand; she wasn’t really a bully. Except for all intents and purposes, she was. If you can admit (at least to yourself) that your child is a bully, then there are steps you can take to correct it! In this multiple part post I want to explore why kids bully, how to stop them from doing it, how to recognize when a child is being victimized and how to empower them, among other things. If you would like to contribute to any part of this series please comment below or email me: mommylebron@yahoo.com.

Why do children bully each other? Is it avoidable? There are lots of reasons why kids bully and there are ways to address all of them. Some kids bully as a result of their family/home life; others are easily influenced by peers; and then there are those, like LeBella who suffer from mental/emotional/behavior disorders.

Family/Home Life Influences:
A lack of warmth and involvement on the part of the parents: Obviously this is not the case for LeBella. We are actively involved with the children and our lives basically revolve around them.(*sigh*)
Overly-permissive parenting: This was the accusation I faced time and again until other people had the opportunity to spend greater lengths of time with her. Especially because I believe in positive parenting we don’t do “punishment” or hitting around these parts…
A lack of supervision by parents: If LeBella was left unsupervised the results would probably be somewhere along the lines of a tear in the time-space continuum where we would all be thrown back in time and eaten by dinosaurs.
Harsh, physical discipline: Mama don’t sing that song…And if I wanted to? This child is supernaturally fast, abnormally strong, and impervious to pain.
Parent modeling of bullying behavior: Ha! Have you met me? I’m the one cowering in the corner because the nerds pick on me…

Peer Influences:
Friends who bully: This did not instigate her bullying habit but it didn’t help either. And I wouldn’t exactly call them “friends” but Jasmeen is in a class designed for children with behavior/emotional disorders and issues. So, she spends a lot of time with kids who act exactly the way that she did. It’s a cycle…
Friends who have positive attitudes about violence: Even if she had friends like this (we’re still working on making and keeping friends), LeBella is not easily influence by anyone. Trust me. I try. Daily.
Aggressive children with high social status may use bullying to enhance their social power and protect their prestige with peers: LeBella holds a neutral to low social status depending on what kind of day she’s having. On a great day she is charismatic and engaging; pulling people to her like bees to flowers. On a bad day, it’s just the opposite.
Children with low social status may use bullying as a way to deflect taunting or aggression, or to enhance their social status: I have seen her do this and I try to address it right away, for relevance. I am an extremely empathetic person and I am trying to teach her to put herself in others shoes. I remind her how she feels when picked on and encourage her to befriend children who are having a hard time “fitting in”.

Mental/Emotional/Behavioral Disorders:
They may be impulsive, often acting without thinking and feeling bad later: When feeling embarrassed or corned LeBella’s first reaction is usually to strike out.
Paranoia, they think everyone is always talking about them:
Oversensitive to invasion of personal space: This is a big (annoying) trigger for LeBella. She will get upset if some “takes” her seat at the table, on the couch; or goes into her room; or sits in her desks. To her this is like a slap in the face.
Explosive reactive aggression: This is a hard one. Things happen to everyone and we learn how to handle those things properly and proportionately. If someone were to hit her, she would pummel them. If they snatched her paper, she would take theirs, tear it up and stomp on the pieces.
Inability to read social cues: I know this is eternally frustrating for LeBella. She’s never quite sure if she is welcome in a group, conversation, activity. If she intrudes and is rebutted she gets embarrassed. (see above)
They get worked up and then are not able to calm themselves: I’m sure you’ve seen instances where a group gets worked up (think: mob mentality). The thing is, LeBella can’t just stop. Once she’s worked up she becomes manic and special steps have to be taken to bring her back down.
While they may be extremely intelligent, they may also be very immature and their social skills may be way behind: LeBella plays best with children 2-3 years younger than her. The only problem is that she must be reminded constantly that she is older and bigger so that she doesn’t hurt them if they squabble.
They often feel out of control both internally and externally, by forcing themselves on others they are seeking a sense of control: At home LeBella and LeArtist play together constantly. She is always dictating the direction of the “game”. She is a strong leader and can be very bossy. I can see how having a control of the situation around her brings a air of calm to her eyes.
In some cases these children may have a sensory processing disorder, roughly bumping into others to satisfy a need for external stimulation: We often refer (lovingly, of course) to LeBella as the Baby Rhino. She is constantly running into us. And now that she’s bigger? I find myself on my ass quite a bit.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I feel a strong need to apologize to parents like BoredMommy, whose children are bullied by other children. We want to protect our children from everything all the time and it seems that they should at least be safe with their own peers. While parents of bullied children need to be assertive in addressing the issue of bullying, parents of bullies and anyone supervising children need to be proactive in addressing it.

Do you think your child might be a bully? Visit iVillage to take the “Is Your Child a Bully Quiz” (http://quiz.ivillage.com/parenting/tests/bully.htm)

Mom Confession: My Kid’s a Bully Part 2 will talk about what you, the parent, can do if your child is a bully. Simply disciplining a child for bullying is ineffectual. There are root issues that need to be addressed.

Posted with love by Mommylebron