Stop Bullying, Make It Personal

I have found another new way to occupy my non-existent free time. I’ve been playing a RPG with my mom called Smallworlds. In short, you build a custom avatar and interact with a complete virtual world, including other players, in real time. There are some very nice people on this game. I have made a few really great friends. I feel as strongly about these friends as I do the ones I have made from tweeting and blogging.

There are also some not very nice people. As with all scenarios where people gather in a casual and social manner there are trolls and bullies. I can not stand to see people bullied, whether in real life or online.

As I was doing some virtual shopping in a garden shop I notice a small group of people harassing everyone who walked by them. Even though the game has a default censor in place for public areas, people are creative. The name calling and harassment was mean and uncalled for. After observing for a bit I decided to conduct a little social experiment.  I switched to a different avi (you are able to create 4 or 5 on one account) and returned to the shop.

Without all my extra’s that marked me as an advanced player (wings, hover board, fangs etc), I became an easy target. They pounced on me as soon as I walked by. Calling me names and “virtually” jumping my character. I stayed and interacted with them for a bit. I remained mostly on the offensive.

After I had enough of their malice I retreated and switched back to my regular avi. When I returned to the same shop I observed one of the girls, the ring leader, begging for tokens (in world currency) and I proceeded to advise her all the ways she could earn her own. I taught her some tricks of the game and shared some of my favorite spots. After this exchange I asked her if she thought I had be kind and helpful.

She said, “Oh yes, you are so very nice!”

I reminded her of all the things her and her friends had said to me and others earlier. I went on to tell her a little about my life raising a child with special needs. I told her and her group that many people on the game play it to get an escape from stressful or even sad lives.

I explained the dangers of bullying and cited some examples of bullying gone too far. Such as school shootings and suicides that are cases “bullied to death”. The kids (yeah they were teens, the confessed) then began to share bits of their own lives. After the exchange they were very contrite and offered apologies to myself and others still in the shop.

I explained the theory of karma that comes into play on the game. When you do good it comes back to.

I would like to think that this lesson really landed with these kids and that I made a difference, even in a small way.

Bullying is a very real threat to our children and it is our responsibility to educate others anywhere possible.

Are you or someone you love being bullied? There is help!

The Boys Town National Hotline

Delightfully Different: Book Review and Giveaway

Delightfully Different

By D.S. Walker

Backcover/Amazon Blurb for Delightfully Different:

MIA LUNG ALREADY SHARES A SPECIAL BOND WITH HER MOTHER-even before she is born. As she studies Francesca from heaven, Mia realizes she has found the perfect mother. If only her transition from heaven to earth was as easy.

From the very beginning, Mia lives her life on earth knowing she is different, but not understanding why. With an extensive vocabulary and insight beyond her years, Mia is a beautiful spirit who soon develops extraordinary musical talents. But subtle signs soon emerge. Mia does not like to talk on the phone, walk barefoot on the grass, and cannot go to sleep without first lining up all her stuffed animals on her bed. Just as her family finally realizes that Mia is battling sensory sensitivity issues, she is bullied in fifth grade. After Mia’s school counselor causes her to feel like the guilty one, Mia struggles to forgive those who, through their own ignorance, have hurt her.

Delightfully Different shares a poignant glimpse into the life and mind of a girl with Asperger’s Syndrome who demonstrates through her compelling experiences that every life has a purpose and that being unique is what makes each of us special.

*~*   *~*   *~*   *~*   *~*   *~*   *~*

 

I found this book to be both a quick light read and a nice glimpse into Asperger’s. Having a daughter newly diagnosed with Asperger’s the story hits close to home. I too find myself reflecting on her behaviors and seeing the small clues that have been sprinkled throughout her childhood. I love the frank clear language D.S. uses which makes this book idea for adolescent readers.

When I read about Mia and Alisa being bullied by Morgan and her comrades I was so heartbroken and angry. No child should have to go through that and our kids are already dealing with so much. Again, this hits close to home. I have had severe bullying issues with both of my younger children. This book really ran my emotions through the gummet as a parent and rang so true.

I feel that Mia is such a positive role model for young girls and I look forward to reading this book aloud with LeBella. I love stories like these that my daughter can relate, making her feel not just different, but Delightfully Different!

GIVEAWAY:

I know you are eager to get your hands on your own copy! This book is a good light read for mom or read aloud with your child.

To Win:

Leave me a comment telling me one “Delightfully Different” thing about your child.

For additional entries you can do any of the following items (be sure to leave separate comments):

Like Delightfully Different on Facebook

Like Rage Against the {washing} Machine on Facebook

Follow D.S. Walker on Twitter

Follow Mommylebron on Twitter 

A winner will be chosen on April 30, 2011 using Random.org. Make sure you give an email address to contact you!

As soon as the winner’s information is received, I will email their information to D.S. Walker, who agreed to donate a copy of her book and mail it to the winner.

Disclosure/Disclaimer: I reviewed this book from a copy I received from the author.  No compensation, monetary or in kind, has been received or implied for this post. Nor was I told how to post about the book!

Guest Post: Jenny Ann Fraser: Preventing the Losses

 

A couple of weeks ago I put out an all call for story submissions. I want to share your bullying stories. I want to add faces and voices to this very important issue. I want to raise my children and voice to say “I will not tolerate bullying.”

Before I share this wonderful post, I want to tell you a little bit about it’s author. I developed an online friendship with Jenny starting on twitter and then when I started blogging she was one of my biggest cheerleaders (I’m not sure she knows that!) and we have exchanged an email here and there. Every time I come across her online, no matter where it is, I smile. She shares her sorrows and success honestly and without fan fare. She has showed me her passions and introduced me to her God. To me she is a soft and gentle soul and it pains that she, like so many children, has suffered the cruelty of bullying.

Preventing The Losses

 

The news of the past weeks of the senseless deaths of young people as a result of the mistreatment by others is sadly, not news. It has been going on for decades, though it would seem that it is getting worse.

I believe that there is much we can all do to stop this and prevent these horrific tragedies, but we all have to be willing to “be the change we want to see”.

For that, I am truly grateful to Mommy Lebron for giving us the opportunity to write about this incredibly important issue.

 

 

The first time I considered suicide I was 11 years old.

By that time in my life, due to the daily non-stop bullying that I had to endure was simply unbearable.

I didn’t really want to die. I don’t think that I have ever wanted to die, though thoughts of suicide have plagued me off and on for most of my life. I just wanted to stop the pain. I wanted the kids at my school to stop hurting me.

These, were the group of kids who taunted me, teased me, pushed me around the playground during recesses and chased me home after school. They were the kids that taught me how to feel worthless. They taught me to believe that I was worthless.

My in-experienced child’s mind reasoned that there must have been something that I did to deserve what was happening to me, and those thoughts lodged themselves deep into my subconscious mind where they lived for most of my life.

I spent much of my time desperately trying to understand what it was that I needed to to change so that I could fit in with my peers. But I can clearly remember that deep down I really just wanted to be myself.

In writing this, I have discovered that even now I can’t quite put my finger on all of the things that make me different from my peers or why even as an adult I just don’t quite fit in comfortably. Maybe the list is simply too long.

I have ADHD, which was undiagnosed until adulthood as it is often missed in girls. I’m sure that my social skills, though not noticeably lacking, were a bit rough when I was small. I talk too much. I can’t sit still. I never seem to be interested in the same things as those around me. I am sometimes too passionate and intense. I think about everything and I have an almost desperate need to talk about much of what is running though my head. When I don’t, I feel as though I might explode.

I was useless at sports and smaller than all of the other children. I am mixed-race, with a black father and a white mother in a school that had about 8 non-Caucasian children out of around 600. In truth, I don’t believe that my heritage was ever the reason for how I was treated, but it provided fuel for the fire the minute someone realized how to use it to hurt me.

The list goes on.

The thing is, that I did not choose these things any more than I chose my IQ, my talent for music or my passion for reading. None of us gets to make those choices about who we are.

Bullies, turned me into a sad, lonely little girl who often found the pain of living to be unbearable. That is how I learned to be a sad, lonely young woman who believed at times that she was so desperately lacking, so deeply flawed and so irreversibly damaged that her life served no purpose.

 

This is what bullying does to children.

 

Thankfully I am healed now. I have learned how to be whole, healthy and happy, but the years it took to get there stole my youth, and robbed me of the opportunity to live some of my dreams. Like getting married and having a family of my own so that I could teach my children not to bully.

 

Bullies suffer too.

 

I don’t think that we can begin to solve the problem of bullying until we address this issue with the same attention that we give to their victims. I hear more talk of it these days, but I’m not sure that we talk about it enough.

It doesn’t matter whether we are talking about adults or children. When we have a need to judge, criticize, insult, or hurt another human being, it always fuelled by a need to feel superior. None of us would ever need to feel superior to another person without some level of fear that we are actually inferior. Bullies, are scared, unhappy children too.

 

There is something that we can all do.

 

How we treat our partners, family members, friends and those we don’t love, creates the climate in which our children learn to be in the world. How we speak to others and what we say about them is the model that children take with them to school and the playground. This model will play a role in who they become, and kind people are generally happier people. We should want that for ourselves and everyone else.

In order to stop bullying forever and prevent these senseless deaths and the loss of so much precious potential to the anxiety, depression, low-self esteem and other fall out that comes with being abused, we all need to grow.

We, are the role models for our children. Our own children, and all of the children in the world.

If we don’t consistently demonstrate how to be kind, compassionate and understanding to each other, how will they ever learn?

To do this, we have to commit to lifting the veil of illusion that separates us and feeds the vicious lies that make us believe that it is ever alright to mistreat another. It doesn’t matter if we do this only through our thoughts, as it is our thoughts that determine our actions and our words.

No matter how confident one might seem on the outside, true and lasting self-esteem cannot exist without the understanding that every human being on earth deserves to be treated with the kindness, dignity and respect that we all crave. We are capable of learning to understand and where necessary, forgive those who are different or don’t live in ways that we respect. We cannot change anyone by inflicting judgement and shame.

It is time that we commit to loving ourselves enough to give up the ideas that lead us to hurt each other.

It is time for all parents to re-arrange the priorities that determine how children are raised.

Kindness, empathy and compassion are the most important lessons that we can ever be taught because no true and lasting happiness will ever be possible without it.

 

Hello, I am Jenny Ann Fraser, and I write Arriving At Your Own Door, which is a line from my favourite poem,Love After Love by Derek Walcott.

I have been a professional costumer in theatre, dance and film for over 15 years. Currently, and for the past 10 years I have been the Head of Wardrobe at a Theatre in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.

In the beginning, I started this blog for the sole purpose of promoting a business that I was planning to start. I did not know that I could write and I had no idea that I would love to write. (Life can be full of surprises that way!) I didn’t even know what I would write about, so I decided to allow my then untitled blog to tell me what it wanted to be when it grew up. Read more

 

 

National Bullying Prevention Month – October 2010

If you’ve spent any amount of time here you already know how I feel about bullying. Too many children are suffering, and for what reason? Watching the news over the last month has become a heartbreaking affair. How many children have die before people will start stepping up an addressing this epidemic? Take a minute today to remember:

Asher Brown

Billy Lucus

Tyler Clementi

Seth Walsh

Justin Aaberg

Raymond Chase

Last year my younger son was viciously bullied. Some over his name and size. But mostly? Because of his special needs sister. I was consistent with reporting incidents to the teachers and office staff. The final straw for me was the day he came home with a bruise in the center of his chest where this boy had punched him! (Keep in mind, at almost 11 years old, LeArtist has just passed 60lbs!) I immediately went into “mama bear” mode. A meeting was called with the other boys parents. He was place on a 0% Tolerance Probation. If he even shot my son a dirty look he would be expelled and charged under Florida’s Anti-Bullying Laws. Jeffery Johnston’s mother fought for 3 years after her 15 year son killed himself to see the law passed. When this bill passed into law in 2008 35 states encourage schools to spell out anti-bullying policies, Florida was the second state to penalize schools that don’t comply. Under the law, Florida schools will also have to follow up on reports of bullying by contacting the parents of all students involved, including the bullies. David Tirella, an attorney who campaigned for the Jeff Johnston bill, said threatening to hold back funds from schools was a final resort.The school made a conscious effort to keep the boys seperated and we had no further altercations.

Do you have a bullying story you would like to share? I’ll be taking story submissions until Sunday night and then I will you know the date your story will be featured.

If you would like to hear what some other great bloggers have to say about bullying visit www.ooph.com.

To learn more about what you can do visit the National Bully Prevention Month’s headquarters.

Mom Confession Monday: My Kids a Bully Part 4

 

Image via Wikipedia

In Mom Confession Part 1 we addressed why some children bully. In Part 2 we talked about how to stop our children from bullying others. In Part 3 we learned what to watch for in case our children are being bullied themselves. And now:

Mom Confession Part 4: Bully is as Bully does

Bully (defined) (n)1. a person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people, 2. A hired ruffian; a thug. (v) 1. To treat in an overbearing or intimidating manner. 2. To make one’s way aggressively

Acts of Bullying:
Name calling: to one’s face, via phone or text, on the internet and using social platforms
Gossiping: anything that defiles the character of another person in any way
Threats: anything that makes your child fear for their safety is a threat
Physical Harm: hitting, pushing, pinching, kicking, throwing items, use of weapons
Theft: stealing money, supplies and personal items is bullying
Using any of these things to intimidate, harass and have power over your child
Purposeful exclusion from social events

Famous Bullies:
Scut Farkas from A Christmas Story
Biff Tannen from Back to the Future
Roger Klotz from Doug
Ace Merrill from Stand by Me
Nelson Munce form The Simpsons
Angelica from Rugrats
Adolf Hitler

LeBella’s Thoughts:
What is a bully? A mean person.
What do bullies do? Pick on me, punch me, whisper curses to me
How does a bully make you feel? Sad because I cry when they be mean to me.
How do you feel when your mean to someone else? Sad and unhappy
How do you think a bully should be punished?
Teach them how to be nice so they don’t bully anymore.
From the mouths of babes, people.

Next week on Mom Confession Monday we will be exploring Bullies in the news. Do you have a bully story you’d like to share? If so, please email me at mommylebron@yahoo.com.

Posted with love by Mommylebron

Related Articles

• Cartoon Network tackles bullies (variety.com)
• Back to School, Back to Bullying? (teachstreet.com)
• Formerly bullied kids bully the Comviq ad off the air. (adland.tv)