Blog Archives
Mom’s IEP with The Drama Mama
Hi Ragers! For this edition of Mom’s IEP we’re going with an interview format. I am happy to be sharing some insight with you from my good friend and writing partner The Drama Mama.
How old was your daughter when you knew there was a medical issue and what was the deciding factor?
She was 7. When her brother was born, she turned into this different child. It is believed that his birth was the trigger. Looking back, and being wiser today, I think we saw signs at 4 and 5, when she started with the stealing and lying, the constant destruction of her room, etc.
I don’t really think there was one deciding factor. I think it was just the complete change in itself. We called an in-home counseling agency to come out and help, since I had reached the point where I was sadly ready to send her off to behavioral school. The first counselor deduced that she was simply a “willful child”, but she was replaced with a new counselor within a few weeks. This new counselor suspected ODD combined with ADHD, and that got the ball rolling for us.
Was your family supportive?
Yes and no. My mother was for the counseling, but against the final diagnosis. She did not support/believe that there was really anything wrong with her. My husband on the other hand was supportive of the diagnosis and the treatment, but against the in-home counseling. The tables have turned a little bit today, since I started a blog about the early pre-medication days about Jellybean’s behavior. Only those of us living with her saw the bad behavior……………………..so support was difficult to find.
The counseling has ended, and while my husband tries to be supportive, he isn’t always able to overlook some of the symptomatic behaviors that I have learned to. He doesn’t have the ability (yet) to pick his battles like I have, and the ones he does choose are often the ones I have learned to live with. This puts us at odds sometimes, but his willingness and openness goes a long way.
What habits or activities have you found help get your family through the day with minimum collateral damage?
We have a very loose routine. I know its supposed to be structured, but every time we try to follow a schedule here, it blows up in our faces. There’s consistency in knowing what is expected of her, whether she always does it or not, and I think that has gone a long way to keeping things at a minimum. We’ve also come to expect that between 6 and 8 there can be mania. I do my best to keep things normal, staying calm, and not giving in to her demands any differently than I would if she were not in a rage. Most of the time now, it only takes a simple phrase…go to your room until you are in a better mood. She usually comes out within a few moments, and most of the time with her attitude changed (and it tends to last). If it’s not quite where it needs to be, she retreats back to the safety of her room.
If we are not home, it’s a bit more challenging. If she is left to herself, she can usually pop out of it. The apology comes later in the form of “I don’t know why I was acting that way.”
I don’t like the behavior, but I do like the fact that she can finally, FINALLY, realize what she is doing, even if she doesn’t understand why.
(that’s not how it should be, but that’s the way it came out, LOL. I mean that she couldn’t even tell she was in whatever mood before, but she is able to now, even if it is later)
Where do you turn for resources and/or support for yourself?
Google is my best friend.
Once she started seeing a p-doc, and he realized that her correct dx was NOT ODD but rather a mood disorder, I spent weeks researching the internet trying to understand how to help her.
It was still hard though, because I don’t have any real life friends with other girls her age that I talk to on a regular basis to figure out what is normal tween behavior or symptomatic behavior. The more I researched, the more I understood. Then, I started blogging. I found Mommylebron’s support group and other ladies in the blogosphere that even if they weren’t experiencing the same, they understood. That alone went a long way in support.
The in-home counseling went a long way to helping me revise my thinking and parenting styles to develop a mostly working system, the ability to handle whatever she throws my way, and the patience to ride out the storm.
What is the biggest challenge presented by your daughter’s illness?
The biggest challenge by far is the disrespectful attitude. While her Queen of the World expectation and the inability to maintain her role as a child rather than an adult are certainly at the top of the list, the disrespect is by far the most challenging because she hasn’t quite figured out the filter yet. I am really hoping this will get better as we do more role play and she gets the opportunity to not only hear how it sounds but experience how her dad and I feel when she does it.
What advice do you have for other families in similar situations?
Never give up, never stop fighting, and know you are not alone. Find an agency that offers in-home counseling to help you deal, get support, and be a better parent. Try natural methods but don’t allow the stigma of society regarding medications prevent you from trying. I never thought I would ever put my child on medication, but after realizing nothing else worked, I succumbed. Now, I am glad I did. The results are amazing. I also realize that we got lucky that her p-doc found the right meds for her early.
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Thank you Drama Mama for taking the time to answer our questions!
Want more Drama?
Read her blog.
Follow her on Twitter.
And stalk her on Facebook.
Much Love,
Bipolar Tuesday: Separation Anxiety
Good morning, Ragers!!
The sun is shining…
The birds are singing….
And that kid won’t let go of the hem of your damn pants!
Separation anxiety is a very common occurrence in children with bipolar disorder.
Last week I ask you to come back today and share a story about how you have been affected by or dealt with this.
Link up below!
On the Upswing From Spring!
I won’t lie, I’m just a little giddy.
If you have been following along you know that LeBella has been on hospital/home bound education this year because she simply has not been stable enough to be at school.
You also know we’ve been through multiple med changes and had a couple scares.
You held our hands as we struggled with having her hospitalized.
The past few weeks have been plagued with “Spring Fever“. Lot’s of mania and rages. Meltdowns galore and general unpleasantness.
It really has been a rough year.
But this week? With sun shining on our faces and the promise of summer in the air?
I see a light. No, it’s not the sun blazing in my eyes. It’s more like a light at the end of the tunnel.
It’s not very bright, and it’s kinda far away. But just knowing it’s there? Lifts my spirits and gives me hope!
This week alone I have seen a decrease in rages and when they come they don’t seem to last as long.
They other day, huffing, puffing and red-faced, LeBella grabbed a dining room chair and flung it to the floor before racing to the next one. Normally she would topple them all and then shove the table a few feet.
This time?
She stopped. She looked at me and I could see in her face she was assessing the situation. She put her hands up and said, “Okay, wait..wait.” and she went back and picked up the chair! “I’m sorry. I don’t want to do that.”
Um, what? I have never seen her pull herself out of a rage like that. I told how proud I was that she was aware of her actions and made a better choice.
She has also made a couple of friends. Two little girls who live across the street. They are younger which is good. She is socially immature for her age and she doesn’t feel threaten by these girls! Yay for friends!
I am still tweaking parts of routines and aspects of her treatment plan but I feel like we are heading in the right direction. I hope to see much more of this shining face in the upcoming weeks…months…
For ideas on preventing and de-escalating rages please read “Soothing Techniques” and “More Soothing Techniques“.
And sometimes? You just have to Get Over It Mom!
