BOO

*Brushes cobwebs from corners*

*Wipes away layers of dust*

Hi Ragers! Remember me??

I know, I know!

That thing…what’s it called? Oh right! Life! Damn near swallowed me whole these past couple of months. I have these lovely ladies helping to keep things flowing but I think we are all going to take a break. I am going to be moving resources from My Kid’s Bipolar, Now What over to this site as the group will be closing. I am sorry to see it go, but without sponsorship…

I am trying to get back to all my tweeps too. This semester at school was a super busy one for me! But after next week I have a couple of weeks off. I have decided to use that time to prep material for our return and to focus on my creative writing a bit.

If anyone has any questions or you are in need of resources you can always email me at mommylebron@yahoo.com. I will also be looking for guests posts and topic suggestions.

We’ll be back up and running August 15. Until then? Stay sane Ragers!

 

There Goes the Neighborhood

Friends. Big, little, older, younger. We all have them. Most of us have the ability to keep them.

For some of our children, it’s a struggle.

We are blessed to finally live in a neighborhood full of kids of all ages.

Except?

Jellybean’s 2 BFFs are 8 and 9, 2 years behind her in school. There’s the extra needy 39 year old neighbor with the 6 year old, too.

8 and 9 are okay. I’m a little sketchy about the 6 year old. She’s only just started elementary school whereas Jellybean is just beginning middle school. She still talks in a baby high voice and mimics typical 6 year old (babyish) behavior. Jellybean is sprouting boobs and talking about boys.

My new motto: Make friends that will be going to middle school with you too. I have a feeling that a friendly face in the hallway is going to make a huge difference.

I went to a private Christian academy growing up. I have no idea about this world she is about to enter. She asks me all these questions I can’t answer.

Just this past weekend, we had a friend’s 13 year old daughter over. I quietly watched as Jellybean bloomed into the young lady she is and will be (a lot faster than I am prepared for!) at the hands of this light years above friend. She carried herself taller. She dressed a little better.

Yet, I could still see how far apart even these two are. Some because of different parenting approaches, some because of age. One is allowed to watch MA rated shows, while the other is still stuck on PG. One dresses in teenage clothes that actually fit her because she has all the right stuff. One still shops in the girls section because she is not quite ready to make the plunge into the teen world.

The differences between Jellybean and the teenager are wide, reminding me that my daughter is not as grown up as she wants to be. She is still very much my little girl, and the bridge between that six year old and her may not be as far off as the one between her and the 13 year old.

XOXO

Why the Train?

I’ve always thought saying you ‘lost’ your train of thought was a particularly odd phrase.

How would you even know where your train of thought was going to be able to know it was lost? Do we all have engrained tracks in our brains? Is there an itty bitty conductor in my head asking for tickets? Who is he asking for tickets from?

Thoughts like this are why I get particularly distracted at times. While amusing, they sure drain time from my day!

I chose ADD Train as my contributing post name because it resonates so strongly with how my ADD brain works.

My thought process starts at one station and then twists and turns and flips rail switches constantly. Keeping up with my train of thought is tiring and frustrating. Even more frustrating is when my train of thought has led me so far off task (and schedule!) that I become an inconvenience for others. If I want reliability in others I need to be reliable myself.

All of the lessons I’ve learned since Turtle and I were diagnosed, this is the one I am struggling with the most. I seem to have settled myself in the rut of shrugging off my unreliability as a symptom of my ADD. Unfortunately, this time it’s cost me a wonderful babysitter that the girls adore.

It’s time to manage mine (and Turtle’s) train of thought so we can be reliable and a joy to be around.

Full steam ahead, reliable station next stop.

Summer Lovin’, Havin’ Some Fun….or not.

Morning rising, usually by my 3 yr old (Scooby) climbing into bed with me, and insisting on watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Mickey Mouse and the Neverland Pirates later, Jellybean is awake. Even without my hearing aid in, I can tell when she is up because she doesn’t know how to walk anywhere. It’s always a stomp, clunk, stomp, thunk, clack-clack-clack down the stairs, and a wham, my bedroom door is reopened. She will dive down beside me, bouncing both me and Scooby almost completely off the bed, and say “I’m hungry.”

Not “Good Morning.” Not “I love you.” Just “I’m hungry.”

She’s 11. I send her up to fix herself a bowl of cereal and get a few more minutes of peace and snuggles with Scooby before climbing out of bed. I can hear her stomping overhead, cabinets flying open and slamming closed, and I wonder how much milk actually makes it into the bowl with all the noise she makes. (She’s never spilled the milk. Knock on wood. It just sounds that way.) I hear her stomp to the table, the chair sliding across the floor. Two minutes later, I hear her stomping to the sink, a stop at the fridge, and more clack-clack-clack as she races down the stairs to the family room to watch tv.

I shuffle into the family room, her meds in hand, and she swallows them. First round, done. The morning has been easy so far. I shuffle back to my bedroom, turn on the computer, and run upstairs to make coffee. Screams break my still asleep reverie, and I race down the steps (and almost break my neck) only to find Jellybean on my bed, blocking the tv from Scooby’s view and wailing that he did a karate kick on her back. Scooby is gleefully engaged in challenging Tigger to a bounce-a-thon on my unsuspecting bed, so I know he probably did give her a karate kick and a good “hi-Yah! hi-Yah” behind a fist full of 3 yr old power too.

Jellybean is sent back to the family room, Scooby escorts me back to the kitchen. I’m treated to the soothing smell of fresh brewed coffee as I ascend the staircase. A half smile decorates my face, and I dance Scooby all the way into his booster seat and strap him in. Ahhh. Bliss once mo…no! no!!

Stomp, stomp, clack-clack-clack, thunk, stomp, stomp, slide, silence.

“Mom!” “Mommy!!” “Mom!” “Mooooooooooommmmy!!!!” and that’s when the fire alarm goes off. Shrill, ear shattering, and amplified in my aided ear 1000 times. My hand stings from the force of the counter that smacked it. My nostrils flare with fire, quickly quenched as my teeth draw blood from my lip. My chest swells, my eyelashes meet, and I slowly shrink and turn, my coffee cup barely filled with cream, let alone coffee.

“Stop teasing your brother! Stop screaming, Scooby!” Giggles from one side of the table, screeches from the other. “You will both go to your rooms and stay if you don’t stop.”

Silence. My feet spin on the floor and my hand grasps the packets of Splenda that had been carefully counted and laid to the side. Shwip! The packet is opened and more whiteness joins the powder at the bottom of the cup. Repeat. The cup is raised, pressed against the button of the coffeemaker. The dark amber liquid streams down.

“Mom!!” 1. 2. 3. “Mom!!!” “MOm!!!” “MOM!!!!!”

The cup is full. A little tremble causes a teeny bit of the amber liquid to sail over the side, but the cup is full.

“What?”

“I’m hungry.”

I glance wistfully at that full cup, sweetened just right, just there, right in front of me, but oh, so far out of my reach.

Mom’s IEP: DS Walker

Hello Ragers! I am very happy to share today’s IEP with you! We are talking with DS Walker, author of Delightfully Different, and a sweet lady I am honored to call a friend. After reading this I hope you will go show her some Rager love!

1. First, tell us a little about your family dynamics and what special needs you have become an expert on.   

Our family consists of a teenager girl on the autism spectrum and an almost teenage son who is not on the spectrum.  My husband and I are both in the medical profession, yet it still took four years of struggles and getting the wrong diagnosis from more than one doctor before our daughter finally had a full workup; the results a diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome at age ten.

This actually brought understanding into our lives as I researched everything I could find on Asperger’s so I could help her learn to cope.   The fact that we initially listened to the doctors who misdiagnosed her caused her to have trust issues.  She was trying to deal with this and our family was starting to mend when she experienced severe bullying in middle school.  This caused a whole different set of issues and I then added the effects of bullying to my research.

2. Mornings are notoriously hard for so many of us. What is the most challenging part of your morning and how do you deal with it? 

 

Thankfully, this is not an issue for us anymore since she now is attending virtual school.  This issue affected us more when she was younger, so I learned a long time ago to get up early enough to have my cup of coffee and get myself dressed before I started trying to get her up.

I learned that she needed longer to actually get out of bed, so I had a system of calling her a half hour before she had to get up and every few minutes afterwards until she was able to get out of bed.  She also picked out her clothes and packed her backpack the night before which made the mornings go easier.

3. Schedules and routines or surprises and winging it. How do you get through the day?

She has been responsible for a while now, so scheduling is not a problem anymore for us unless something unexpected happens.  Then I just try to help her through it by giving her time to vent and blow off steam before we adjust to the change.  She is fifteen and we have been aware of her challenges for five years now which helps tremendously.  The only times this hasn’t worked is prior to the diagnosis and during the year of the bullying and again when she had to deal with a situation recently indirectly related to the bullying.

However, surprises are definitely something I try to avoid.  My husband threw me a surprise birthday party a few years ago, only he forgot to tell her.  Big mistake!  She did recover from it, but it was not fun. 

4. Has your family been supportive? How so, or if not how have you tried to help them understand? 

We have some members on both sides of our family who are very supportive and others who are trying to learn how to be more supportive.  I have given family members my novel, Delightfully Different and I also gave my in-laws a copy of Tony Attwood’s book The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome and I printed out a copy of information specifically geared toward grandparents that you can view at: http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2008/11/grandparents-of-aspergers-kids.html

I also talk to them about ways they can help and they really are trying.  Unfortunately, we also have some family members who seem to avoid us and others who think she is just shy.  We remind her that it their loss not hers, but they still have the power to hurt her.

5. Overall, what is the biggest challenge presented by your child’s diagnosis? How do you handle this?

The biggest challenge was getting the correct diagnosis in the first place, but after that the biggest challenge has been helping her overcome the bullying and being misunderstood for so long.  Of course, she does still have sensory challenges related to the diagnosis too.

6. What are the most wonderful qualities about your child that wish others could see more of?

She is very smart, has musical talents, and a good heart.  I am very proud to call her my daughter.

7. What resources would you recommend to other families in your position?

I recommend Tony Attwood’s book The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome and for those with a girl on the spectrum I also recommend Ruby Simone’s Aspergirls: Empowering Females With Asperger Syndrome and Rachel B. Cohen-Rottenberg’s The Uncharted Path: My Journey with Late-Diagnosed Autism.  In addition, I recommend that they explore blogs of those on the spectrum from Autism Blogs Directory to get further insights into their child along with support for themselves.  I also recommend that they contact their local Autism Society for resources in their area and that they ask questions and connect with others who have been where they are now.

8. We know that it is important to take care of ourselves to be beneficial to our families. How do you make time for yourself and what are somethings you do that are just for you?

I try to make sure I have a few quiet minutes to myself in the morning to mentally prepare for my day.  I also take walks with my dogs and try to find time to read for fun not just for information although interacting with my blogging friends is fun too.

9. What is the single most important post that you have written on your child’s challenges?

I have to say the post I wrote for Danette’s Doors Series at S-O-S Research Blog is the most important post I have written about her challenges.  You can find it here http://sos-research-blog.com/02/a-door-to-understanding-bullying-and-teaching-kindness-and-tolerance/

10. Where on the interwebz can my dear Ragers find you so they can steal your ideas learn from your wisdom?

 

http://authordswalker.com

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Thank you so much for joining us today!