Growing Up: The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful

LeBella woke up before me this morning and as I pulled my reluctant eyelids apart I noticed her standing there grinning at me.

After the initial creepiness wore off, suspicion set in. (I don’t care how cute your kid is, being stared at until you wake up is just plain creepy.)

“Oh good, Mommy, you’re awake.”

My Mother’s Eye roves slowly over her person looking for even the tiniest sign of mischief. If it’s there we find it.

Suddenly I notice her hair.

It is not only brushed, but even styled!

Internally I both cheer and shed a  tear. For the most part, I have always enjoyed brushing and styling her hair. It has always been a little act of bonding for us. Of course at times it has also been considered a instigation of war. LeBella has an inhuman knack for knot development and brushing those bad boys out can take a great deal of time and tears. But she loves the way her hair looks and feels when it’s all brushed out.

“I brushed my own hair.” This statement is laced with both pride and surprise. She constantly doubts her abilities and this small victory is a boost for her wavering self esteem. She smiles and gives me a little princess wave. I immediately notice her neon pink nails and I smile back.

“You painted your nails, too.”

“Yes, and I did it all by myself.”

So, why I am I telling you this? I know, your kid probably started brushing her own hair at 2. Or, maybe yours is not there yet and I’m rubbing salt in the wound. Uh, yeah, sorry. You’ll get there.

The reason I’m telling you is because she is has been in a great mood all day.

Did you know that good hygiene habits foster self esteem? If you have a child with illnesses like LeBella’s (Bipolar Disorder, Asperger’s, ADHD) then you are most likely familiar with the dips their self esteem can take.

“I’m ugly.”

“This medicine made me fat.”

“Nobody likes me.”

They have such a hard time seeing the perfect, sweet child that you see.

So what can I do to help her keep up with those hygiene activities that build up her self esteem? Like with everything else it’s all about having the right tools. (Side note: “right” does not mean “expensive”  I can build my kid’s self esteem from the Dollar Tree.) Here are just a few ideas:

A hair brush and a toothbrush in her favorite color:

A fun toothpaste:

Fun hair ties:

Fun nail polish (if you allow it):

I found this simple article the other day and I have been sharing it in small doses with LeBella. Most kids hate doing these mundane things but if we making it fun they’re more likely to try. Slowly (I hope) they will realize that doing these things makes them feel good.

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I have a challenge for you guys. Next week the linky for Bipolar Tuesday will be up and here is your prompt:

Pick one of your child’s extreme moods (elation, rage, deep sadness) and put yourself in his/her mind for 5 minutes. What’s there? Don’t be afraid to be honest. The point of this exercise is to build awareness and empathy for our child’s moods. We can easily get caught up in the whirlwind of their emotions and empathy helps us to step back and assess the situation as a guide for them rather than a victim. Come back on Tuesday and link up!

Much love Ragers,

Are you the writerly type? Then pop over to A.L.L. Between the Lines for this week’s Writing Tip!

My Mom’s IEP Needs an IEP

I know that sounds redundant. But in everything you do that old adage “When you fail plan, you plan to fail.” applies. A blogging series is no exception. I think both my intended guest and myself blew us off forgot about today. When we scheduled it weeks ago neither of us considered this was Easter weekend. Oops.

I think the open format of write-whatever-you-want-and-call-it-an-IEP is intimidating for some and I really want to to steal your tricks learn what makes you a great special needs mama. So I’m going to come up with a list of questions and turn this into a interview type series.

So….what should I ask? If you have a great question leave it in the comments and I’ll add it to my list.

On a slightly unrelated note I have an award to bestow. As you all know I am real big on kicking stigma to the curb. Living with mental illness is difficult in and of itself. Feeling like you are shunned and stereotyped by society adds unneeded burden to one’s shoulders. The more we talk about the mental illness that effects our lives the more we shed light and add humanity to this issue. Real people, real problems. Not basement dwelling hunchbacks designing pipe bombs and eating jordan almonds.

And you know what’s amazing? Anyone can help wash away stigma. Old or young. Even if they’re young and living with mental illness themselves.

And do you know someone young with a mental illness who speaks up and tries to wash away stigma? I do.

When she’s not driving me crazy (no pun intended) or busy charming friends and family, LeBella is working on her blog, Silly-licious Princess. There she share’s her experiences, fictional stories, poetry, songs (written and sung) and artwork. She wants grownups to have an inside look at how a kiddo with bipolar disorder thinks and feels. She hopes that by sharing she will help her readers better understand the child in their life who is living with this. And so I pass on to my LeBella:

<img src=”http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx37/motherhoodumbrella/washing-machine.jpg” _mce_src=”http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx37/motherhoodumbrella/washing-machine.jpg” alt=”BWS tips button”/>

And last but not least, remember tomorrow is Bipolar Tuesday. The topic is open; come link up any post you have about raising a child with bipolar disorder.

Much love, Ragers!

Mom’s IEP: Melody of Life’s Twisted Stitch

I am beyond tickled to share today’s guest with my Ragers. Melody is near and dear to my heart; she is one my best bloggy friends and has been the source of tremendous support and motivation for My Kid’s Bipolar, Now What??. Today Mel gives us a peek into her day…

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There are quite a few things that I do to make life easier, albeit I
have NOT figured it all out yet that is for sure.  I find that when I
get up at 5:30 am in order wake myself up before everyone else, then
the whole day goes better.  As for the kiddos, I give the meds while
still in bed as the sleep inertia that my mood disorder kiddos have in
the morning make it extraordinarily difficult to open their eyes and
move their bodies when they awake.  In fact, for my son, I frequently
have to lift him up out of bed and carry him to the bathroom.
Sometimes I come back out into the hall a few minutes later to find
him asleep on the floor.  In addition, In order to help them be sure
to get on the bus on time I pack the lunches and backpacks the night
before so they can grab and go.  Their breakfasts are quick too, like
cereal.

After school I insist that they each put their stuff from school into
their own “mailboxes” that are mounted to the wall just inside the
door, so that I can find their stuff when I am ready to get to it.
Then it is actually “down-time” (well ideally) as they NEED that space
to decompress or explode if you will.  Quite frequently it is high
management time for me when they come home as they are uber-irritable
on many a day.  I find, now that the weather is warmer it is easier to
send them out side to run/ ride/ play it out, while in the cold (which
they both hate), there is very little I have found to stem the tide of
agitation and aggression toward each other.  TV can do the trick, but
then I feel terribly guilty for using that for a management strategy,
lol.  When homework time comes, there is always the fight that there
has to be homework completed before computer time or any playmates or
whatever.  Somehow my oldest has not given to much struggle with
homework, but for my son it is like pulling teeth with no novocain.
There is ALWAYS bargaining and rewarding that comes into play for him
to get anything accomplished in regards to reading or writing.  It
makes me sad that he has such strong aversions to reading and writing;
I’m afraid he’s developing a sense of learned helplessness in that
regard.  Although the same level of aversion seems to exist around
bathing as well, lol yikes.  Anyhow, I use charts and graphs with
rewards to show him when he does do what it expected and sometimes
that seems to help.

As for behaviors, my oldest has the hardest time keeping her hurtful
words and aggressive responses to herself so I seriously need to
develop an IEP for myself to help my daughter with her behaviors so to
speak.  Sometimes she is quite a mystery to me as her responses are
frequently unpredictable and often extremely intense.  I struggle to
plan for them and I find determining appropriate and effective
consequences a challenge.  More often than not the consequences I give
her, she either doesn’t care or it just makes her insanely mad so
there is intense retaliation.  I worry about this a lot!  I wish I had
the answers for this one.

As for bed time, we have dinner at the same time every night, they
each have a chore they are expected to do, and by 8pm they are
expected to get ready for bed (jammies, teeth, and stories).  This has
been consistent for their entire lives, yet why oh why is it that they
still bawk, procrastinate, bargain, and whatnot?  Grrrrr. That
frustrates me to know end!  I have to console myself with the
understanding that all children do that and we are all in the same
boat with that.  I just wish it wasn’t so emotionally intense in my
home.
You can connect with Melody on Twitter and her blog.

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Don’t forget about the giveaway!

Writer’s Workshop: Fake Twins

Ok, Ragers. It’s late.  I have school in the morning and I am tired. However, I feel that I have not been up to par posting-wise as of late. I can’t think of an excuse other than I need to revamp my planning tactics because what I’m doing now ain’t working.

But, before I slip off to bed I thought I would join in Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop and share this little gem with you:

4.) A time you covered your tracks and avoided punishment.

When I was about 15 I met a boy name Jimmy. He was a “bad boy” but very sweet to me.

While I didn’t date, he was my “boyfriend” and when he gave me his bright ass neon orange Karl Kani hoodie I was truly smitten.

He liked to come around and show off as teenage boys are wont to do.

One day he came to my house driving an old beat up Chevy. Looking back I can’t recall if he actually had a driver’s license. He wasn’t that much older then me.

One day he proceeded to preen around the cul de sac where I lived, showing off and acting up.

One of his younger cousins decided it would be fun to perch up on the back of the car as it did slowish donuts around my circular road. He would tumble off, laugh and jump on again.

My mother came outside after hearing all the ruckus and was appalled. She used her mom voice. On Jimmy. She scolded him and sent him away. I was told I could not see him again.

My teenage heart was broken. But only temporarily. I am quite crafty on occasion and here is an example:

At school the next day I told Jimmy to come back by my house. I told him to follow my lead and just be prepared to apologize.

That afternoon I led a reluctant Jimmy to face my Mom. The following exchange is of the genius only a teenage girl under hormonal pressure could devise.

Me: “Mom, I want you to meet someone.” please let this work please let this work

Mom: “I thought I told you-”

Me: “No, wait, Mom listen. This is Robert, Jimmy’s, uh, twin brother.”

Jimmy/Robert: “Ma’am, I just want to apologize for my brother’s behavior. I can’t believe he acted so irresponsibly and I let my mother know what happened.”

Mom: “Oh, well, then ok. You two had best behave. And Robert?

Jimmy/Robert: “Ma’am?”

Mom: “I do not want that brother of yours around here, he’s trouble, I just know it.”

Jimmy/Robert: “Yes, ma’am.”

This is a true story, my hand to God. I tease my mom about it all the time now. She can’t believe she fell for such an obvious ploy.

Don’t forget to enter my GIVEAWAY!

Delightfully Different: Book Review and Giveaway

Delightfully Different

By D.S. Walker

Backcover/Amazon Blurb for Delightfully Different:

MIA LUNG ALREADY SHARES A SPECIAL BOND WITH HER MOTHER-even before she is born. As she studies Francesca from heaven, Mia realizes she has found the perfect mother. If only her transition from heaven to earth was as easy.

From the very beginning, Mia lives her life on earth knowing she is different, but not understanding why. With an extensive vocabulary and insight beyond her years, Mia is a beautiful spirit who soon develops extraordinary musical talents. But subtle signs soon emerge. Mia does not like to talk on the phone, walk barefoot on the grass, and cannot go to sleep without first lining up all her stuffed animals on her bed. Just as her family finally realizes that Mia is battling sensory sensitivity issues, she is bullied in fifth grade. After Mia’s school counselor causes her to feel like the guilty one, Mia struggles to forgive those who, through their own ignorance, have hurt her.

Delightfully Different shares a poignant glimpse into the life and mind of a girl with Asperger’s Syndrome who demonstrates through her compelling experiences that every life has a purpose and that being unique is what makes each of us special.

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I found this book to be both a quick light read and a nice glimpse into Asperger’s. Having a daughter newly diagnosed with Asperger’s the story hits close to home. I too find myself reflecting on her behaviors and seeing the small clues that have been sprinkled throughout her childhood. I love the frank clear language D.S. uses which makes this book idea for adolescent readers.

When I read about Mia and Alisa being bullied by Morgan and her comrades I was so heartbroken and angry. No child should have to go through that and our kids are already dealing with so much. Again, this hits close to home. I have had severe bullying issues with both of my younger children. This book really ran my emotions through the gummet as a parent and rang so true.

I feel that Mia is such a positive role model for young girls and I look forward to reading this book aloud with LeBella. I love stories like these that my daughter can relate, making her feel not just different, but Delightfully Different!

GIVEAWAY:

I know you are eager to get your hands on your own copy! This book is a good light read for mom or read aloud with your child.

To Win:

Leave me a comment telling me one “Delightfully Different” thing about your child.

For additional entries you can do any of the following items (be sure to leave separate comments):

Like Delightfully Different on Facebook

Like Rage Against the {washing} Machine on Facebook

Follow D.S. Walker on Twitter

Follow Mommylebron on Twitter 

A winner will be chosen on April 30, 2011 using Random.org. Make sure you give an email address to contact you!

As soon as the winner’s information is received, I will email their information to D.S. Walker, who agreed to donate a copy of her book and mail it to the winner.

Disclosure/Disclaimer: I reviewed this book from a copy I received from the author.  No compensation, monetary or in kind, has been received or implied for this post. Nor was I told how to post about the book!